Crush

So I am just sitting here listening to Fall Out Boy and thinking. Thinking about alot of things actually. This thinking process led me to write this blog. Why? Because if I write things out they can sometimes make more sense to me when I re-read it. I spend a lot of time in my head and a lot of time thinking and analyzing. So here I shall puke my brains out onto this site and hope it makes sense, not to you the reader, but rather just to me as the author. Have fun standing in on the criss-cross thoughts of Ty.

I haven't been in a very good mood lately. It has definately been a down time. It seems I have a lot of rollercoaster times lately. It seems that every single time that I start the climb to the top and things are looking up I get smashed in the face with something, something like homework, money, girls, school, work, diabetes, etc. Nothing seems to be going right lately and that ends up frustrating me even more. I don't know what to do or where to start. Holding your head up is hard when you just want to stay on the ground. I feel like I have gotten up so many times that I just don't want to get up anymore. I feel like I'm not holding onto a thing here. I'm getting more emo and depressing here then I actual meant to be but it is where I am at now. One thing that I really wanted to say is that I am sorry to anyone who I have neglected recently. It has nothing to do with you but rather with me and my mechanism or retreating into my own world and my own head. I am confused. There are some things that I really just don't understand. I don't understand why you would lie... I really don't. I don't understand why it is such a chore for me to get motivated. I don't understand why no matter how I hard I try it doesn't seem to work right. And thats why I end up falling back into my comfortable zone of not trying. Cause when you don't try and you don't do anything you can't do things wrong and when you do do something right then its awesome cause it wasn't expected. I know thats lame. I'm just sick of trying so hard. I want someone to waste all their time with me. To encourage me, to motivate me... but I guess I can't expect someone else to do that sort of thing. I understand that. I wish that I had someone to talk things over with, how I am thinking, feelings, and how things are truly going. I wish I had someone who really wanted to be that for me, as well as me reciprocate things. I know that they have to want to be that and I have to want them to be that for anything like that. I kind of want out of here. I kind of want something new. I kinna want the familiar. I kinna want to stay. I kinna want that cat to shut up because her moewing is annoying me. Maybe people don't hear one sound out of my mouth. I dunno. There are about 50 more years of this waiting around. Hmm. My car is giving me trouble and thats not cool, I don't like that one bit. I wonder when that phone call is going to come? Anyways I know the weather is not always perfect, I really do know that. I also know I just need to pick myself up and keep trucking er along. Oh my. You know what I want to do right now? Curl up in front of the TV with someone special and watch a movie. Forget things. Life. Hmm. I am sure this is making absolutely no sense at the moment, haha. O well what can you do I said it might not make sense. Hmmm. I can't keep writing, brain is going to fast. Thoughts are crushing me...