To Many Titles to Choose From

Ok so here I was with a blank screen and feeling the need to write something but not being able to form anything in my brain. So I just left blogger in the background while I talked to Megan. While I was talking to her she triggered what I wanted to write about. And what that is is:

Pause

I have been sick for more than a week now and it really sucks but I have felt like my life has been on pause. Not a good pause like everything has finally stopped and the stress is gone and you can get things done but rather a nuetral pause; just a pause where it's not good or bad its just there. I look at my life, myself, where I am at, and where I was, and where I should be. I see things I want to change and things I don't want to go back to. Things I want to keep and things I want to throw away. I think I should be praying... at least a lot more than I am. I feel that God wants me to hear something but it seems so fuzzy and unclear right now. All your prayers will be appreciated.

Everyday

I put on a worship CD just a little while ago. It just doesn't seem to do what it used to. To be completely honest right now GC is what is making me think and pray and worship. I have found that more and more lately. I find God in the places alot of people say I won't. I find him in the everyday, in music, in work, in a non-christian converstation, alone... The church just doesn't seem to be where he shows up for me. I'm sure some people think thats great and others think its bad... but I think its... well real. And thats what I want. To be real, and to know the real. Things are hard. But I need to make alot of things in my life into a routine.

Older and Wiser? Or just Older....?

This Friday is my Birthday. Birthdays to me... well at least my own... has never been a big deal to me. I ussually find myself dissapointed. I am sorry to any of you that this may hurt but it's the truth. Birthdays when I was young were always good but it seems after the age of 12 (Holy crap that is 10 years ago already) birthdays just let me down. The only one that I remember that was fantastic was last year. It was nothing amazing. Just two of my bestfriends made me an oreo cake, I had a nap, I almost got another tattoo, and then my two friends and I went to a movie. (which wasn't that good but it was the friends that made it good) and my bestfriend/roomate Amos made me a Birthday Card that I still have and another friend just smiled and said Happy Birthday but it didn't seem like an obligated Happy birthday but a genuine Happy birthday. I don't even talk to these people very often anymore. I don't even know if any of them read this blog or not. But to Carissa, Chrystal, Amos, Mike, and Andrew Mac; thank you, it meant alot ( I don't remember what it was that you did Andrew but it was in my memory so thanks... for whatever it was... haha) As for this years birthday... I know I am going to be in a van on my way to melville and yorkton with some good friends and some people I barely know. At least I can't be let down with that, ha. Anyways, this is not me wanting anyone to feel sorry for me, or me hinting for anyone to try anything to make it great. I'm fine with a non-birthday. I am also not saying that there weren't people that made other birthdays special but i am saying the overall days let me down. Anyways enough about me getting older... I am going to be 22... I can't beleive that... I still feel 19. Cept for maybe the aches and pains and the not being able to function on zero sleep. Which leads me to the fact that I really should go to bed.



Playlist of the night (All are GC songs)

Can't Go on
In This World (Murder)
Time After Time
Festival Song
Overcome
Change
Hidden Track of Change
Wondering
We Beleive

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And on another note here is a song I wanted to post (although I actually wanted to post alot of songs...)


"Change"

on...on and on and on and on and on
on and on and on and on and on
on and on and on and on and on

I am lost in the see-thru
I think you lost yourself too
Throughout all of this confusion
I hope I somehow get to you
I practiced all the things I'd say
To tell you how I feel
And when I finally get my chance
It all seems so surreal
Cause from the first time I saw you
I only thought about you
I didn't know you
I wanted to hold on to
The things you'd never say to me

[Chorus:]
Cause you said
You can't change the way you feel
(I could never do that, I could never do that)
But you can't tell me this ain't real
Cause this is real
(And you would see right through that)
In the end it's all I've got
(So I would hold onto that)
So I'm gonna hold on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on and on and on and on

And now you've got me watching your eyes
(Watching just to see, watching just to see)
You've got me waiting just to see
(If you'll ever look at me)
If it goes away it never will
(Will it ever go? Will it ever go my way?)
Your eyes are watching me
Oh
And now you've got me thinking 'bout
The first time that I met you
Standing in a crowded room
But I could only see you
And I hope my words will get through
Cause now I can't forget you
I wanna tell you
If only I could reach you
And make you feel this way

[Chorus]

Ohhh
On and on and on
Ohhh
On and on and on and on

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Goodnight.