December Swallowed Us Whole

Greetings! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Happy Emo December!

Ok so I have finally decided to take the time to sit down and write a serious blog and not just quote a song. This month of Decemeber has not dissapointed me, it has been as I suspected... Brutal. I have a strong dislike for Decemember for reasons I am not going to go into at this time.

This month I decided not to shave. I started 2 days before the end of November and will complete this endeavor on the 31st. Why you may ask, well let me tell you... Because I felt like it.

Christmas was good. I spent Christmas Day with all of my family and extended family (on my mothers side) and it was really good times. We had good food and good drinks and a good time together. We exchanged gag gifts, told jokes, and harrassed each other.

I had my Family Christmas (minus my sister because she is off in the boonies) on Thursday the 29th. It was really good to spend the time with my parents and brother. I got some gifts that I really needed and then some that I did not need so much. All in all it was great. Good food and drink again.

I am upset because my default main page when I load my browser is no longer my blog but some stupid messenger thing and it won't let me change it... agh so upsetting.

I have worked my but off this month. It really sucks actually. Besides the week I took off for finals I have only had a total of 3 days off. I have been working full time and still seem to have no money to show for it. Bills keep coming and rent seems always due. Luckily my loan will be in next week and I can pay off the school.

I am really looking forward to next semester. I am making some changes and expecting some changes if that makes sense.

I don't know what I am doing for New Years.

I only have 5 days until school starts, which I am looking forward to... especially because I will be cutting my hours back at work.

Hmm, so much more to write but not sure where else to go with this blog...

Expect more blogs and more frequent blogs to start appearing.

(and I am sorry that Phlash back Phil is still not up and running, Philip and I are working on it and are hoping to kick off the blog starting in the New Year, THank you for your Patience)

anyways I think I am going to rap this blog up now. Hope you enjoyed this update!

oh and if you are an avid reader (and even if your not) and you would like to add me to msn then feel free! exiledpunk13@hotmail.com.

Happy Melancholy Emo December to you all!

The Other Way ~ Weezer

I want to help you
But I don't know how
I want to soothe you
But I can't speak out

I have many fears
About rejection
I have many memories
Of pain

I have always been
A little shy

So I'll turn and look
The other way
Other way
Other way

I will turn and look
The other way

I want to hold you
But I am afraid
I want to touch you
But I'm not that way

I have many doubts
About my motives
I have many fears
About my greed

I have always hurt
The one that I love

So I'll turn and look
The other way
Other way
Other way

I will turn and look
The other way

I have many doubts
About my motives
I have many fears
About my greed

I have always hurt
The one that I love

So I'll turn and look
The other way
Other way
Other way

I will turn and look
The other way

Asleep At The Wheel

I figured that it was about time for me to blog again. It has been awhile. I actually have been kind of avoiding it. Why? I don't know, so much to say yet no words to say them I guess. I am finally done this semester. It is such a relief! I, as always, started the year of great with good marks and a good attitude... I finished them off with... well.. bad marks and a bad attitude. I am so frustrated with myself right now because I just can't seem to put the effort in to school that I need to put in. I mean I do have a bit of an excuse this semester because I was working like a mad fool so that I could pay off debt and pay for rent, but it's still not really an excuse for my lack of commitment to my studies. So here I am in the not so Happy Emo Decemeber left with a whole lot of decisions to make.

My first decision is when I should take my new chair back to the store because the manufacturer is a retard and pre put the screws in with a freaking power drill and then left me to try and take them out with my little screw driver... so now the screws are stripped and I am upset. My other decisions are of a little bit more importance than that though.

I have been contemplating leaving Saskatchewan again. I hate it here. I want to go back to British Columbia and I just might do that if I can get the cash together and my lease worked out. Another option that I have is to move to Manitoba with a friend. I wouldn't mind doing that, I mean, it would a be a new and exciting place to me. I have yet to be to Manitoba. The option that I like the most, but us least plausible, is to just up and leave and travel around Canada and the states. If I had the money for gas I would do it in a heart beat. Screw food or a place to stay I just want to go... anywhere... and wake up in a car... chase away the fog... anyways...

I also need to decide if I am going to go back to school next semester. I want to get my schooling finished so that I can move on in my life but my heart is not in it right now and I am doing pretty crappy anyways... so I don't know what to do.

I don't know what else to right about. That is all the surface stuff that is easy to say.

Filled with apathy... be careful with your words...

An old highschool classmate died last friday (Dec 9). I went to her funeral last tuesday. It was hard and weird. Not that I was super close to her... but just that she is only 12 days older than me. It really shook my up and made me think about alot of stuff. Like what I am doing with my life, where I am, where I should be, who I am, why and the works. yea... it was kind of nice to see my old classmates. Nobody really has changed much, or at least it doesn't seem like. Its been 4 years since I had seen most of them. Wow... I have been out of highschool for 4 years already... holy crap...

This next section is what I really want to say and blog about and tell people. How I feel, How I am really doing... What I really want... * **** *** **** ******* ***** ***** ********* *** *** * *** ***** **** **** **** ***** ****** ***** ****** ** * ***** *** * *** ****** ** ******. * ******** *** *** **** ****** ***** ** *** ******* *** *** *********** *** **** ****** *** ******* ****. **** **** ** * **** *** **** ******* ***** ***** ********* *** *** * *** ***** **** **** **** ***** ****** ***** ****** ** * ***** *** * *** ****** ** ******. * ******** *** *** **** ****** ***** ** *** ******* *** *** *********** *** **** ****** *** ******* **** **** **** *** **** *** **** ******* ***** *****. ********* *** *** * *** ***** **** **** **** ***** ****** ***** ****** ** * ***** *** * *** ****** ** ****** * ******** *** *** **** ****** ***** ** *** *******. *** *** *********** *** **** ****** *** ******* **** **** **** *** **** *** **** ******* ***** ***** ********* *** *** * *** ***** **** **** **** ***** ****** ***** ****** ** * ***** *** * *** ****** ** ****** * ******** *** *** **** ****** *****. ** *** ******* *** *** *********** *** **** ****** *** ******* **** **** **** *** **** *** **** ******* ***** ***** ********* *** *** * *** ***** **** **** **** ***** ****** *****. ****** ** * ***** *** * *** ****** ** ****** * ********. *** *** **** ****** ***** ** *** ******* *** *** *********** *** **** ****** *** ******* **** **** **** **. There I said it all. I feel so much better now.


And a tragic fall from grace
staring at the stars above
one more small good bye
one more kiss
I hope I don't lose my mind
body hollow glasses
a broken chair
thats why
I should have seen this coming
My perfect angel
One more last breath
One more last feeling of life
THis is what it must be
This is what I will never have
but I will
the love I have to share is always there
I will take the blame for this
That is what I do
I should have seen this coming all along
Mixed feelings and drinks
with words and silence
that is said yet lost
in the wind
the shattered peices fall
cutting the pretty peices
but the sun will shine
and the rain will fall
this puzzled look you give me
proves you don't
they never do
my paper heart is ripped in tw0
I should have known
putting words together at random
what will come
your everything I want
don't take away my dreams
its all i have left
if you just
one last time
staggering on
stumbling through
falling down stairs and seeing things not there
don't take this from me
I don't want it.
It feels like 20 below
Its as cold as tomb
Alone in my room...
I'll keep out of your way
The thundering clash of backstabbing
Keeping busy
learning not to feel
these things i feel
They aren't real
forever
I hear you
in the stars above
A tragic fall from grace


I'm pretty sure I'm lost again in the place i know so well... i won't get through...

From the ramblings of a crazy person

Ty

Onion